come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
