you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
