Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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