maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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