Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
