You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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