is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
