The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I believe in your delicious
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
