Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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