It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
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She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
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I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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