Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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