the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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