The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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