I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
