I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
