Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
