So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
