If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
