I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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