please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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