Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
