I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
