very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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