i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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