Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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