It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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