Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
cat food counts as protein by the way
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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