I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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