So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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