Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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