Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
