is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
