He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
