Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
