if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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