We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
