I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
