Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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