after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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