If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
