this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
