we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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