My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
