A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
