I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
