everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
