dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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