i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
