i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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