Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
