I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
