You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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