If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
