i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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