For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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