these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
