so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
