just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
