I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
